


Of Nightmares and Promises

by aconstellationofmemories



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, Fanfiction, Gruvia - Freeform, Miraxus, Nightmares, References to Depression, Romance, jerza - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 18:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20783057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aconstellationofmemories/pseuds/aconstellationofmemories
Summary: A collection of oneshots where the character(s) of the listed ships has nightmares and the other offers comfort. Along the way, they fight to keep the promises they made.





	1. Juvia

**Author's Note:**

> I had a vision of this chapter when I wrote my review for SweetMemories1998's fic, I Failed. I forgot about it until I started writing Gruvia. Also posted on my tumblr.
> 
> Thank you to unicornbeauty290 on tumblr for giving her seal that this is good enough to publish.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juvia's guilt over Silver's death haunts her in her dreams. Time and time again, she failed to protect Gray in her dreams. Until one day, her nightmares morphed into her reality and she is confronted with the very thing she feared. Even if it was the last thing she did, she would protect Gray till her last breath.

**Year X792, 6 Months Pre-Avatar**

_Gray and Juvia had embarked on a mission together in a neighbouring town. Juvia was ecstatic that he had chosen to go only with her. Her ‘love rival’ that was Lucy wasn’t around to interfere with them._

_They were walking side-by-side on the streets. It was just the two of them... Juvia was giddy from all the possibilities she imagined with Gray._

_ “Juvia.”_

_“Y-yes, Gray-sama?”_

_“I’ve been meaning to tell you...”_

Tell Juvia?

Could this be the moment where he finally confessed his love to Juvia? Is that why he chose to go with her on this mission?

_Juvia was hyperventilating in anticipation of his next words._

_“...about my father...”_

_She deflated at the mention of Silver. She still hadn’t reconciled with herself for what she had done._

_Maybe Gray realised he couldn’t truly forgive her._

_Her gaze dropped in shame._

_Because she was looking at the ground, she lost sight of her surroundings and let her guard down. _

_“Juvia!”_

_The next thing she knew, Gray abruptly pushed her to the side. She fell to the ground with a thud._

_A gunshot rang out in the silent street._

No, that can’t be what Juvia thinks it is...

_She turned her head in time to see Gray collapse onto the ground. “Gray-sama!”_

_Juvia immediately surveyed the buildings and found the sniper – their target – who shot Gray on a rooftop. Enraged, she launched Water Nebula directly at him. Before he had the chance to dodge, her attack struck him and sent him flying in the air._

_With the danger wiped out, Juvia hurried to where Gray was lying on the ground. He had been shot in the chest. His eyes were closed, his body unmoving._

_There was too much blood...he was losing so much blood... Juvia was quickly losing grip of her sanity._

_“No, no, no...this cannot be happening,” her voice broke as she started to sob. His body was a terrifyingly cold and limp in her arms._

Why wouldn’t Gray-sama move?!

Please, just move an inch...

_All of a sudden, she felt a presence in the air in front of them. When she lifted her gaze, she was rendered speechless._

_“You were supposed to take care of him.”_

_Silver manifested into being before her very eyes. He spoke the words calmly, his words dripping with disappointment, each one a dagger to her heart._

_But they weren’t what shattered her. _

_It was his next words which sealed her fate._

_“And because you failed, he’s gone.”_

* * *

“Gray-sama!”

Juvia woke up with a start, her chest heaving with her laboured breaths. Her heart pounded against her ribcage. She felt as though there weren’t enough oxygen in the air for her overworked lungs.

“Are you okay, Juvia?!”

Gray burst into the room and rushed to her side instantly. His worried voice pierced through her fog. She regained some of her consciousness.

_It is all right, Juvia. It was just a dream._

She forced herself to calm her breathing. _In, out. In, out._ She mustered a weak smile for him. “Yes, Gray-sama, Juvia is fine,” she assured him, careful not to let her voice break. “Juvia just had a nightmare.”

She didn’t want him to worry over such a small thing. After all, that’s all it was. A nightmare. It wasn’t real. At least, that’s what she repeated to herself. _Then why does it feel so real?_

Gray frowned, clearly not believing her lie. Juvia snapped out of the leftover emotions from the nightmare as it dawned on her – _Gray-sama is worried about Juvia!_ With hearts in her eyes and a dreamy expression, she clasped her hands together and faced Gray directly.

“Gray-sama,” she said in a flirtatious tone. “Could it be Juvia has a special place in your heart for you check on her this late?”

Flustered by her sudden change in demeanour, Gray immediately withdrew away from her. “You screamed my name in the middle of the night! Who won’t check on you?” he exclaimed, feeling somewhat awkward to be called out on his concern for her.

Returning to his normal self, he straightened and glanced down at her. “Well, seeing how you’re fine now...” he said, his worry still present in his eyes.

Juvia blinked out of her fantasy. She looked down guiltily. “Juvia is sorry to have disturbed you.”

Gray knew she wasn’t completely okay, but he didn’t want to push her. He turned around and raised a hand in a wave. “Good night,” he said nonchalantly.

“Good night.”

With the door shut behind him, Juvia crashed back to earth. She slumped back on her bed with a sigh.

_Juvia had another nightmare._

She started having them after she’d killed off Keith the necromancer and thus Silver’s spirit. Initially, they were few and far between, until it gradually progressed to be a common occurrence. Not only did they become frequent, but they also grew more intense. Juvia always woke up feeling drained.

Her nightmares always revolved around the same theme: Juvia wouldn’t make it to Gray in time and Silver would look disappointed at the end.

For all this time, Juvia secretly felt guilty for killing Silver through Keith. She had confessed to Gray to her deed, and was fully prepared to walk of out his life.

Instead, he did the last thing she expected him to – he forgave her and clung to her to stay.

Gray may have forgiven her, but Juvia wasn’t able to forgive herself. Not when she brought sadness to her Gray. If she hadn’t finished off Keith then, Gray wouldn’t have lost his father for the second time.

_Gray-sama would have had more time with his father._

Thus, the guilt continued to linger in her heart. It built up to the point where it followed Juvia to her dreams as a constant reminder of the spirit she killed and the promise she made to him. Even in the still of the night, there wasn’t any escape for Juvia from the clutches of her guilt.

It was slowly taking a toll on her, mentally and physically. She began sleeping later in an useless attempt to delay the suffering which awaited her. There was no reprieve.

Juvia had to be careful the next time or Gray would be alerted to her nightmares. The last thing she wanted was to be a cause of worry for Gray and add to his burdens.

_When will the nightmares end for Juvia?_

As much as she tried to, she couldn’t shake off the ominous feeling in her gut. Juvia feared the nightmares would never stop until they morphed into her reality.

Silver had entrusted Gray to her before he passed. She tearfully promised she would, and she was determined to keep her word. Even if it was the last thing she did, she would protect Gray until her last breath.

With her conviction firmly set, she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. _Be brave, Juvia._ She wouldn’t cower and run – she will face her demons for Gray.

_Juvia will never let anyone harm Gray-sama._

* * *

**Year X792, Alvarez Empire**

“Well then, I invite you to kill each other at your leisure.”

In the blink of an eye, they were both chained by Invel’s Ice Lock.

Gray tried to break it, but it was a futile attempt. It would only come off once one of them was down.

_This is the last thing Juvia wants, but her body is betraying her._ Against her will, she initiated her attacks against Gray.

Gray, too, lost control over his body as he countered her attacks. Even Gray couldn’t resist the power of the Ice Lock.

_Why is Juvia hurting Gray-sama?! This cannot be happening! It is not possible! Juvia could never hurt Gray-sama..._

She secretly willed Gray to finish her off. _No, that must not happen either! Gray-sama would certainly blame himself!_

Thus, she decided, there was only one acceptable choice.

She lifted her arm and created a swirl of water above her hand before it sharpened into a blade.

_It is all right. Juvia must gather her courage._

She cast one final glance at Gray and smiled fondly at him. “Juvia was truly fortunate to have met someone like you, Gray-sama.”

She stabbed herself in the abdomen.

Gray’s shocked expression stared back at her. “Why...did...you...do...it, too?!” he gritted out.

Juvia’s eyes widened in horror. “No, Gray-sama!”

Merely a few moments after her, Gray had also stabbed himself in the abdomen with an ice sword.

Juvia had been right about the nightmares. The very thing she’d been terrified of was being realised in front of her eyes. Even in the real world, she failed to save Gray.

_No, it wasn’t supposed to be like this..._

“I don’t want to hurt a friend... No... I don’t want...to hurt _you!_” he said, his voice filled with anguish. “I wanted...to protect...you...but I...”

“No, you have made Juvia very happy, Gray-sama...” she said with a gentle smile, tears in her eyes.

Their bodies unable to hold out any longer, they collapsed to the frozen ground simultaneously. Within seconds, a pool of blood formed underneath them.

Having served its purpose, the Ice Lock which trapped them together melted into the air.

* * *

Everything was black.

Besides her body which was mysteriously illuminated, Juvia couldn’t see anything in the complete darkness.

_Where is Juvia? What happened?_

She felt bewildered. Juvia had the feeling that she was missing out on an important piece to the puzzle. She couldn’t place her finger on _what_ exactly.

Out of nowhere, she was hit by a sharp pain in her midsection. She fell to the ground in excruciating pain. Along with the terrible sensation, Juvia’s memories slowly filtered back to her.

_Gray-sama. Invel. The blizzard, Ice Lock..._

She gasped.

_Juvia and Gray-sama’s double suicide._

_Gray-sama’s life is in danger!_

With that realisation, Juvia ignored the immense pain and pushed on. She couldn’t afford to fade out now. She wouldn’t fail this time.

_Not when Gray-sama needs Juvia._

She mustered what little strength she had left for one last spell.

_Water Make: Blood._

_Juvia took precautions in case anything happened to you, Gray-sama. This is a blood transfusion magic Juvia learned in secret._

_Juvia lives on within your body, Gray-sama. So there is no need to grieve, for Juvia’s life is yours, Gray-sama._

It broke her heart that she wouldn’t be by his side when he woke up. She wouldn’t have the future she’d long desired with him.

_But this is enough for Juvia. _

_So long as Gray-sama lives, Juvia is happy._

“Juvia.”

She froze in apprehension. It was a voice all too familiar. One she had heard many times in her dreams.

She lifted her head to check, slightly afraid of what she would see.

To her relief, Silver stood before her with a warm fatherly smile on his face.

In her dreams, he always appeared disappointed by her.

For this last time, Juvia was glad to have made him proud and seen him smile at her.

“I was right to have left Gray in your care.”

She felt happy to have heard his words. She wouldn’t be alive anymore in a bit, but she was satisfied. She had no regrets.

“Juvia fulfilled her promise, father.” She smiled contentedly, teetering on the edge of her consciousness.

“Thank you.” The warmth and gratitude in his words caressed her battered heart.

And the world was once again engulfed in total darkness.


	2. Gray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gray comforts Juvia while she has a nightmare and makes some important decisions about their future.  
  
_I don’t deserve you, but I will become a man worthy of you, Juvia. I'll keep you safe. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This oneshot in Gray's POV, a follow-up to Juvia's oneshot, unexpectedly took me 7 months to complete. More than half of the draft had already been written; I could have posted it earlier with some addition; but I felt that it lacked something. Or perhaps I was afraid, since I was still a new writer back then. In any case, I'm satisfied that my writing has improved tremendously since. 
> 
> Dedicated to allie-and-her-fandoms on tumblr, who was a major source of motivation to write this continuation. Here's a surprise for you girl. I hope I didn't disappoint you.
> 
> Next one will probably be Laxus'. Expect some angsty Miraxus coming up!

**Post Alvarez, Pre-100YQ.**

Quiet sobs.

The steady beat of the rain tumbling onto the pavement. 

Soft whimpers.

The sorrowful symphony slowly filtered into Gray’s sleep-fogged brain and roused him from his slumber. _What’s happening?_ Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, his puzzled gaze instantly landed on the sparkling droplets of water on the window. They slid down helplessly despite the slight friction between their liquid body and the glass panel, leaving behind only disjointed parts of their body in their slippery descent.

_It’s raining_, he thought sleepily. There was a nagging familiarity about the natural event, almost as though it was teasing him to guess its hidden meaning. However, at such a godforsaken hour, he had neither the mood nor the mental capacity for such trivia games. If the heavens wished to weep and cause a phenomenon known as rainfall upon earth, then they could weep all they wanted. He wasn’t going to give up his precious sleep to spend the night contemplating the mysteries of the universe. Closing his eyes, he turned to lay on his side as he tried to resume his disrupted sleep.

Then it dawned on him.

It was soft, almost inaudible even, but he was almost certain his ears weren’t playing with him – there was a muffled sound of someone crying.

_Wait. Rain..._

_Juvia._

The realisation jolted him awake – any trace of sleepiness now completely gone – and he hurriedly glanced over to the other side of the bed. In a subconscious gesture to either comfort or protect herself, the water mage lied curled on her side in a fetal position. Her face twisted in anguish. “Gray-sama...” his name fell upon her lips in between her strained sobs.

He gently nudged her. “Oi, Juvia.” No use – she showed no signs of waking.

“Juvia tried but she failed,” she whispered, pain lacing each word.

His heart constricted in his chest to see her in this broken state. She was the one experiencing the nightmare, but it hurt him to witness it.

“Wake up and it’ll be fine,” he urged her.

“Juvia is so sorry...”

_What was she dreaming to feel sorry for? _

Gray pushed aside the stray locks from her forehead – her skin was wet. It was that moment that he noticed she was sweating profusely. Whatever she was dreaming about, it must be intense to invoke such strong reactions from her. Tears silently rolled down her porcelain cheeks. Despite his attempts to pull her from her nightmare, she was lost to him in a torturous realm – one he was all too familiar with.

“Wake up, Juvia,” he pleaded her. It was killing him slowly to see her tormented and being powerless to do a thing. 

The ice mage prided himself in having a cold, impenetrable heart. Much like his ice creations, it was solid and incredibly resistant to outside influences. Her cries, however, felt as though someone placed a nail on his heart and pounded mercilessly to create fractures. With each broken call for him, the fractures cracked open.

Just like how Juvia once told him that he kept the rain away, he yearned to prevent her liquid sadness from flowing down her face – now and for as long as he can.

Before he knew what he was doing, he leaned in and placed his lips on her tear-stained cheeks. 

_Drip._

A tear escaped from the corner of her eye and trailed down.

“Gray-sama.”

_Kiss._

His lips caught the elusive tear before it could drop.

“Shh. It’s okay.”

_Drip._

No matter how many times she fell apart, he would always be there to catch her.

_Kiss._

Down to the last teardrop, he erased their existence with each gentle kiss.

Pulling back, his concerned gaze scanned her face for any signs of distress. To his relief, her features seemed to relax. The iron vise around his heart loosened its grip. His chest immediately felt lighter. 

For the first time since he woke up, he could take a breath without feeling strangled.

Lying back down on the bed, he angled his head to watch her. The warm glow of the streetlamps cast a soft spotlight upon her, highlighting her angelic features. Her sapphire tresses was splayed out on the pillow underneath her head. They reminded him of a curved wave frozen in time. He gently pushed back the stray locks on her forehead. She was ethereally beautiful. His heart squeezed in his chest as he took in the sleeping beauty before him. As someone who only experienced heartache all his life, the ice mage didn’t think he was worthy of someone so beautiful and pure.

_All I do is scar her._

His gaze dipped down to her abdomen – to where she sacrificed her life for him. The evidence of her suicide was well covered by her nightgown, but he could picture it all too clearly in his mind. Jagged lines winded up and down to narrow peaks, its almost-circular trek engraved forever on the right side of her navel. 

Gray wasn’t ashamed by scars, nor did he feel the slightest disgust towards them. His own body exhibited the permanent mark of several scars from years of battling as a mage. None of them bothered him; whether they were large or small; wide or narrow; he only demanded that they were visible to the world. 

But Juvia...it didn’t sit right with him for her to have them. Not that he thought they marred her beauty – hell, she was pretty no matter what. It was the history behind the engraved remnants of her sacrifice which troubled him. 

_If only I was stronger then...Juvia wouldn’t have had to kill herself._

_It was my duty to protect her, to keep her safe. _

He clenched his fist as an avalanche of failure crashed over him.

_And I failed in both for Juvia._

For his entire life, all the people dearest to him had been snatched away. It didn’t matter how strong they were; one by one, they ceased to exist on the physical plane on earth. Though the abrupt conclusion to their story played out in different scenarios, they all shared a crucial common factor – their untimely deaths were all because of him.

Involuntarily, the final memories of his loved ones came flooding back – the disbelief, the immense despair, and the hopelessness – they all hit him like a train wreck.

_His father, previously the strongest man in his eyes, now lying immobile in the destruction left by Deliora._

_ Ur’s motherly smile when she bid farewell to him as ice engulfed her mortal body. _

_Her daughter, Ultear, trading her priceless youth for him to be granted a second chance at life. _

_Juvia’s lifeless body, cold and unmoving in his arms. _

The tsunami of his painful past threatened to wreck him and drown him under in their onslaught. His tensed muscles began to tremble from the effort of controlling the turbulent emotions which the flashbacks had evoked.

_You killed them_, a voice hissed inside his head.

He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to block them out – the memories, the self-defeating voices, the fears – all of them. _I’m not there. I’m not there anymore. _

When he opened his eyes, his gaze landed on the soundly asleep form of Juvia. Her lips were slightly parted as she breathed in and out slowly. The nightmares had stopped tormenting her. Seeing her resting peacefully – and breathing – calmed his frayed nerves considerably. His ragged breaths began to slow.

_She’s still alive. Here, with me. _

The ice mage carefully wrapped his arms around her as he pulled her in close for an embrace. Instantly, she instinctively leaned into his warmth and pressed her face into his naked chest. With that simple trusting gesture, her own warmth spread deeper into his chest to envelope his heart.

For hours, he was content to simply hold her in his arms as she slept. She even snored lightly at one point; this he would never tell her. He couldn’t complain, not when the greatest thing to had ever happened to him was lying in his bed.

He didn’t sleep a wink that night.

Not from her snores, but from the thoughts that raced through his mind and the plans he dared to envision – all of which involved a particular sapphire-haired woman. His dreams splashed every inch of his greyscale mental landscape with bright, invigorating colours of spring. Like the plants which grow from the emergence of the sun after the rain, the seeds of his wishes quickly sprouted to form endless possibilities together with her.

In the near future, they wouldn’t just be mere visions his mind conjured up. No – he would make them materialise into the real world.

When dawn arrived with its hopeful transformation from darkness to light, the ice mage was set with his conviction.

_I don’t deserve you, but I will become a man worthy of you, Juvia. _

Placing a chaste kiss on her forehead, he sealed his unspoken promise to her.

_I’ll keep you safe._


	3. Jellal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Birthday fanfic for @SweetMemories1998.
> 
> Contains some references to depression.

_It’s just another night_   
_And I’m staring at the moon_   
_I saw a shooting star_   
_And thought of you_   
_I sang a lullaby_   
_By the waterside and knew_   
_If you were here,_   
_I’d sing to you_   
_You’re on the other side_   
_As the skyline splits in two_   
_I’m miles away from seeing you_   
_I can see the stars_   
_From America_   
_I wonder, do you see them, too?_

_So open your eyes and see_   
_The way our horizons meet_   
_And all of the lights will lead_   
_Into the night with me_   
_And I know these scars will bleed_   
_But both of our hearts believe_   
_All of these stars will guide us home_

**Ed Sheeran - All of the Stars**

* * *

**Post-Tenrou Arc, Pre-X791 Arc**

_Wake up._

_Open your eyes, Jellal._

Echoes of the woman’s deep, haunting voice floated into the edge of his consciousness, nudging him awake from a slumber he had slipped into. The muscles around his eyes twitched, his eyelids slowly fluttering open. A thick fog clouded his head, and something disturbed him in the back of his mind. Frustratingly, no matter how much he racked his brain, he came up entirely blank. He sighed.

Déjà vu, his old friend.

It seemed like that was what his miserable life revolved around: a cycle of losing control of his mind, forgetting, remembering, and then forgetting once more. Despite being a veteran in the forgetful matters, he didn’t know which was worse: remembering or forgetting.

Perhaps both were just as heart-wrenching.

He began to rise from the grass-covered ground which, until moments ago, served as a moderately comfortable bed. “What hap–”

The question died an instant death on the tip of his tongue. His eyes widened and he sucked in a quick breath, all trace of drowsiness evaporating into thin air.

Hundreds – or even thousands – of glittering stars cluttered the vast expanse of the night sky. The starry trail stretched out endlessly before the last hints of it disappeared into the horizon. Not a single cloud obstructed the rare, majestic view for the mortals tonight, setting the clear midnight-blue backdrop as the perfect stage for the gaseous bodies to exhibit their own light.

Never ever in his exhausting twenty over years’ worth of life had he witnessed such a grand scale of breath-taking celestial beauty. Where some viewed the sky as a graveyard of stars, he always saw the shining objects as beacons of hope. The sight of countless of them stole his breath away, as it did any possible coherent thoughts. His Heavenly Body Magic gifted him the ability to summon any stars if he so desired, but he had never did it to such extent and this – this wasn’t manipulated, not even the slightest.

For once the whole world and its tragic tales relinquished their crushing weight on his trembling shoulders and quietly retreated into his past without his awareness.

In that moment, in what felt as if it was since eons ago, he was not the cursed man with an infinite list of sins heftier than Jupiter.

He was just Jellal.

The blue-haired boy who had a special fondness for only two things: the sparkling stars and a particular redhead.

Among the cluster of stars, a specific group stood out with its distinct inverted Y shape. The K-type giant exuding an amber glow on the right branch of the zodiacal sign winked at him, one he recognised as Beta Cancri – the brightest star in the constellation of Cancer, the crab.

One version of its myth had it that the goddess Hera dispatched a giant crab to distract Hercules, who was in the midst of battling the multi-headed monster, Hydra. However, the crustacean suffered a humiliating defeat under the mighty hands of the powerful man. Its pitiful remains were honourably placed in the sky, but accompanied by dimly visible stars because of its failure.

They shared a lot in common – the mystical hard-shelled creature and him. Much like it, he succumbed to evil influences and obeyed the wrong master. Their worth, in the end, wasn’t much at all; how could they be valued, when they were both sad let-downs?

With that sombre thought, the fleeting sensation of being weightless dissipated, and a dark aura loomed over him. He tensed, already predicting what would come next, but he willed his train of thoughts not to go _there_.

The floodgates of his agonising past – his torture, the innocent acts he played, the heinous crimes he committed – burst open, flooding him with an overpowering sense of shame and failure. It triggered open the lid of the Pandora’s box in the vault of his mind, freeing a fleet of hungry monsters within to leach on him. Their mocking voices swirled around him as the images appeared involuntarily, one after the other.

_You’re just a little kid; do you think you can beat us?_

One of the prison’s guard sneered disdainfully at him. He flinched at the resounding _whip!_

_You robbed them of their freedom_, said another, this one belonging to him.

Images of his old companions, Wally, Simon, Sho, and Millianna flashed in his mind.

_You killed him._

Simon, heroically sacrificing himself for Erza and Natsu.

And the last blow –

_You made her cry._

“Quiet!” He clutched his head desperately. His laboured breaths came in short and ragged, and his hands trembled. Undeterred, his demons ruthlessly continued on with their assault. _And perhaps because of you, too, that she’s dead right now. _He squeezed his eyes shut; it didn’t matter if they were true or false; if they were real events or his imaginations; he didn’t want to hear or picture them; he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to...

Someone sniffled out of nowhere behind him, shattering his spiral of destructive thoughts. He froze; he wasn’t alone in this mysterious land. His guard immediately rose up, although he could have sworn it was familiar...

His body still rigid, he cautiously turned to confirm his suspicions. A tattered beige singlet covered the modesty of a small figure with their shoulders hunched several metres away. From how it looked worse for wear, the piteous garment served little purpose in either aesthetics or keeping its owner warm. The stranger’s muffled cries was soft, barely audible even, but the sound of sniffling coming from the individual was unmistakeable. He felt a pang in his chest at the raw, vulnerable sorrow radiating from them. Instantly, he was taken aback by the sudden urge to erase all trace of their sufferings.

Time came to a screeching halt as the individual lifted their head. Ever so slowly, hints of short scarlet locks emerged. They glanced back with teary warm brown eyes, their cheeks stained with silent tears, and their pink lips pulled down in a frown. His jaw hinged open, he stared in complete astonishment at them – no, _her_.

Erza.

More specifically, her child self.

“What is it, Jellal? Leave me alone,” she said with slight tremor.

A sapphire-haired boy – him during his childhood – approached her with his brows drawn together. “Why are you crying, Erza?”

She quickly wiped her tears, refusing him the sight of her moment of weakness. “It’s nothing.”

His younger self gently grabbed her hand and removed the wetness on her cheeks with a caress. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Don’t shut me out.”

They gazes met. The hollow look which stared at him punched him in the gut.

This was not the Erza he knew. No, the person before him was merely a shell of the passionate girl he had grown to adore.

The warrior he knew her to be was gone.

She dropped her gaze. If she didn’t want to speak another word about her feelings, he wouldn’t force her. He would give her the privacy.

But he would stay and sit in the dark with her for as long as she was in it. She was not alone. Never was and never would be.

A feminine whisper finally pierced through the silence. “I’m tired of fighting, Jellal,” she said, letting the heavy confession hang in the air between them.

His heart sank into his stomach.

“I fight, and fight, and fight every day of my life, trusting that dawn will break upon us. But it never comes.”

“No,” he started. This was not happening. She couldn’t give up; she was the air to him, the reason he was still breathing in this living hell. He couldn’t – didn’t dare – fathom his existence without her.

She shook her head forlornly. His heart stopped its steady pump in the pit of his stomach with the finality in the gesture. The very thing he dreaded and fought to keep away was happening.

She was giving up.

“We will never get out of here. We will never breathe the air of freedom anymore. We will never see the light again.”

“Erza.” He grasped her shoulders urgently, demanding her attention. “You say that light doesn’t exist here. But it is shining right in front of me. _You_ are our light. _My_ light.”

Wide orbs of brown depths returned his unwavering gaze with utter disbelief at his revelation. Like she couldn’t believe she was a ray of hope. Her failure to comprehend the gravity of her role in his life broke his heart.

He glanced back, then fixed his gaze on her and pointed at the sky behind him. Where walls of stones blocked most of the view in the inaptly named Tower of Heaven, leaving only a barred rectangular opening at the top, this version of his memory was free from any physical obstruction.

“Look up, Erza.”

Confused and frowning, she lifted her gaze to the almost pitch-black canvas overhead. Shock crossed her face, her mouth dropping open slightly, as she stared in awe at the dark landscape of dazzling lights.

“The stars...” she trailed off, at a lost for words.

Up above, Scorpius, the 8th zodiacal constellation, decorated the night sky. Antares blazed in all its reddish glory at the centre of the constellation, its luminosity exceeding that of the sun’s and putting the magnificent heater to shame.

He associated the M1 supergiant with the petite scarlet-haired girl beside him. Red served as their signature colour, one which proudly exhibited their passion and vitality. Red was the essence of life; it supplied the life-force in the bloodstreams of almost every living creature. They were the heart of their respective worlds; without them the whole system would crumble; life would cease to exist.

“It takes hundreds, thousands – even millions – of years for the light of the stars to reach us. Some of the stars we see are already dead. Even after their death, their light travels unimaginable distances away – all to give us a glimmer of hope in the dark vacuum.” He held her gaze to ensure she understood that he meant his next words with every atom of his being. “Look how they shine for you, Erza.”

_And look how you shine for us. Because the light inside you shines brighter than Sirius._

She gazed back at him, transfixed. Something flashed in her eyes. He could see the shutter of scepticism gradually rising up.

He was reaching her.

Softening the look in his eyes, he said, “The group of stars up there? That’s the constellation of Scorpius, the scorpion.”

She furrowed her brows, trying to decipher the celestial creature he was referring to. The sky must have looked like nothing more than a random sprinkle of stars to her. Realising his mistake, he traced the contour of the celestial scorpion to reveal its shape.

“Its astrological sign, Scorpio, is also symbolised by the phoenix. Do you know what it represents, Erza?"

She shook her head, peeling her eyes from the stars to glance questioningly at him.

"Rebirth. It is born by rising up from the burning wreckage of its old self. No matter how painful the past was, or how terrible its life had been, it summons all its strength and courage to break free of its chains to soar to the skies,” he said, staring not at the breath-taking sky but at the girl. Always her.

The solemn yet hopeful look in her eyes indicated that she knew he wasn’t merely referring to the phoenix’s backstory. “Did it do it?” She eyed him warily. “Did it soar in the end?”

The sapphire-haired boy stared at her intently, a crease forming between his brows, before a smile relieved the tension on his boyish face. “Mm-hmm.” He nodded encouragingly. “It did, and it lived the rest of its life happily by flying to heights it once thought impossible.”

Apprehension faded away from her jaded eyes, and resolute faith settled into its vacant position. Some of the weight in his chest lifted as he noticed that the fight had returned to her courageous heart.

He had restored hope in her.

“One day, we will create thousands – no, millions – of sweet memories, Erza.” Despite his cheery tone, his voice carried an underlying determination.

“So many that we’d have a constellation of memories?” Her voice was quiet. Delicate. As though if she spoke any louder, she would jinx them.

The boy nodded with a smile, gazing at her tenderly. “I promise you.”

At his words, she bestowed him with a breath-taking smile and stared at him with such trust and joy that his heart constricted a little in his chest.

Hope.

During a time where their world appeared bleak and devoid of any colours, let alone a future to look forward to, he had instilled the rare commodity in her. The abstract weapon acted as their only defence against the looming darkness which threaten to devour them.

He found it ironic, then, that the very spirit he urged Erza to possess within herself was absent in him. Where it once fuelled his blazing desire to escape the hellish Tower of Heaven, it was now nothing but an obsolete four-letter word.

Gone were the days where it incited him to counter the challenges or disappointments relentlessly thrown at him. In its place was an infinite black hole, sucking any life which dared to bloom into its black abyss, and a reluctant acceptance that he would never be filled with anything but shame and darkness.

He would never be happy – _could_ never be.

Not with the crimson blood of his old friend forever staining his hands. Not when his world halted its spin since the only woman the traitorous organ in his chest unashamedly beat for disappeared without a single trace.

In the past, he clung onto his life so tightly until his skin bled from blisters and his muscles protested from their strenuous exertion. Now the rope was wrapped around his neck, tightening and suffocating him with another day alive.

Let go – that was all he longed to do.

Let go, and let death envelope him in the peaceful darkness, never to see the light of the day again.

Just as he desired. As he rightfully deserved.

Didn’t he?

“You can’t die, Jellal.”

His head whipped up so fast that he was a little woozy. Standing merely a few metres from him was adult Erza, her scarlet hair he adored fluttering in the wind. Her favourite white sleeveless shirt hugged her luscious figure and paired with a cobalt blue skirt. A ribbon of the same shade of blue hung modestly at the collar, and frills graciously flowed down the length of the centre of the shirt.

When she was dressed in her custom-made armour, she emanated a strong presence with her inner authority, power and reliability. Those qualities didn't disappear with her casual outfit. Rather, they were toned down to unveil a delicate and unguarded side to her, sans both physical and emotional armour.

She was allowing herself to be vulnerable with him.

“E-erza?” He could hardly believe his eyes. His heart clenched painfully in his chest. God, he had missed her.

Countless questions rushed to be fired from the tip of his tongue – was she truly alive? Where was she stranded? Was she all right?

Shock temporarily paralysed his neurological functions, and she spoke before he could articulate the questions. “When I was about to give up, you saved me. It was you who made me believe that even when the world appears to be engulfed in darkness, there is light to be found somewhere. Yet why are you giving up on your life?”

Of all the things she could have said to him, she chose to begin with the difficult parts. But this was Erza, the woman he held dear. No matter how much it hurt, he would always give her the truth. His past, his present, his future – all of him were hers.

Even if they were broken and soiled.

He shook his head in despair. “I’m tired of life, of this body of mine.” It was déjà vu all over again. Didn’t she say something similar when she was younger?

“Don’t you want to repent to Simon?” she asked, her gaze hard and her tone uncompromising. “How will you do that in your grave?”

“I took his life,” he dropped his gaze, his voice remorseful, “and I would repay it with my own.”

“Do you think that’s what Simon would have wanted? For his friend to kill himself to satisfy his own misguided perception?”

“I can’t forgive myself, Erza.” His voice broke. “When I look at my hands, all I see are his blood on them. All my wrongdoings and the destruction I almost brought to this world.”

“So you live the rest of your life making up for your mistakes. You honour Simon with the life you are given. The greatest thing you can do for him...” she trailed off, pausing for effect.

He glanced up for the answer he desperately sought.

“...is to _live_. Live a good life. One that isn’t wrought with guilt.”

“I can’t,” he whispered. “I can’t take it anymore.”

“Then you hold on, just until tomorrow. And if the morning breaks and you still feel the same, then you hold on until the next. Just until the next. You hold on until the next evolves to a place where the desire to die morphs into the desire to live. Because despite it all, a tiny part of you wants to live. Why won’t you give him a chance to plead for his cause?”

Rendered speechless, he merely stared at her with his jaw suspended in the air. “I–”

Her eyes softened a fraction. “You were my light, too, Jellal, when the world was dark.”

His heart fell – he didn't miss how she used the past-tense. _Were_ her light, not _are_. It shouldn’t hurt him; he had brought this upon himself. But it did, and it felt like someone was penetrating their knife into his heart and dragging out the agonising process while he helplessly bled out.

“Why don’t you strive to rectify that?”

Hope began to inflate in his chest and stitch up his wounds. She didn’t mean what he thought she meant...

“Erza...”

“You need to wake up, Jellal,” she told him, breaking his line of thoughts. The sudden command confused him – wasn’t he conscious right now? Or did she mean it figuratively?

_Wake up_, another feminine voice pleaded in an echo.

Wake up? He frowned. A niggling sensation prodded at his brain, and he grimaced when it evolved into a sharp, excruciating pain – this time not from his brain, but his midsection.

_...he’s lost too much blood_, a man said dejectedly. _I don’t know if he’ll live._

_Please don’t die, Jellal._

Meredy.

He recognised her now – she had been calling for him from the beginning.

Walking – he was walking through an abandoned village with Meredy and Ultear.

Meredy had unwittingly stepped on a magic trap.

Instantly, he shoved her aside.

The atmosphere grew thick with pressure, and the flat beep preceding the explosive spell foreshadowed his fate.

Fear – an emotion he thought he had forgotten for himself – gripped his cowardly heart in an iron vice.

Its suffocating grasp loosened and melted away when the realisation that he would be relieved of his physical burden wrapped him in an embrace.

_Finally._

Wet – his shirt was wet, yet oddly warm, although he felt bone-cold; colder than when he slept with a miserable layer of cloth in winter.

Silence.

Then sobs.

He tried to speak, to assure Meredy that she shouldn't be upset, because he was where he wanted to be. But his muscles would not cooperate, and he was feeling really sleepy; he forgot what it was he wanted to say...

Pushing against the weight of his eyelids, her youthful face blurred, tilted rapidly, and then – black.

His vision began to swim in the present as the film of his last memory played out in his mind. He pressed his hand to his temple in an attempt to steady himself from his newly-induced throbbing headache. “Am I already dead?” he murmured.

“Don’t give up. If not for yourself, then for Simon.” She graced him with a small smile. “Live for me.”

Black spots creeped into the corners of his vision. Dizziness consumed him, and he knew he was quickly running out of time. “No,” he said, protesting. It had been so long – too long – since he had last saw her, heard her voice. He hadn’t even said the words he wanted to say to her. Just one more minute–

“Erza–” He reached out his hand for her, but it was too late – his world tilted precariously again.

“I’m always with you, Jellal,” he heard her whisper before his control slipped from his fingers and his body hit the ground.

“...always with you.”

* * *

Pain – white hot searing pain – seeped into his consciousness. His whole body ached, and his head felt as though someone had knocked him out cold. He groaned, stirring slightly, but immediately regretted when pain radiated from his mid-section.

“H-he’s awake!” a girl exclaimed, a little too loudly for his liking. It intensified his headache and caused his head to throb. He opened his mouth to speak, but what little noise escaped from his dry throat sounded incomprehensible even to him. Relief arrived in the form of liquid flowing down his throat a few seconds later.

He pried his eyes open, the three faces in front of him appearing indistinct before his sight focused enough for him to recognise a very visibly concerned Meredy and Ultear. An unidentified middle-aged man with a scruff observed him from the side carefully, undisguised disbelief painted all over his face. The stranger stared at him as though he had just risen up from the dead.

If the merciless inflammation bombarding him from head to toe was anything to go by, he guessed he had.

“W-where am I?” he asked hoarsely.

“You’re in a village’s clinic. Y-you put yourself in harm’s way for me.” Meredy’s voice quivered. “You pushed me to the side after you realised I had foolishly walked into a trap. It exploded on you. You were losing so much blood and I–I–” She broke out into a sob. “I’m so sorry, Jellal.”

Despite the pain shooting up his arm, he raised it slowly and rested a hand on her trembling shoulder. “It’s not your fault, Meredy. A-are you and Ultear okay? Were anybody harmed?”

“Look at you, returning from the brink of death and asking if other people are all right.” Ultear shook her head, wiping her eyes. “We only have minor scratches from our battle with the thieves. The village was completely abandoned, so no one suffered any casualties. But you–” Her voice shook. She inhaled to compose herself before continuing. “Thankfully we made it in time to a neighbouring town. Even so, with how much blood you lost, the doctor wasn’t sure if you’d live.”

Looking at how emotional his two companions were upon his near-death experience, warmth spread in his chest until it blanketed his lonely heart.

Someone cared for him. Someone actually cared if he was dead or alive – preferably the latter.

In that moment, he had no doubt that if he died, these two women would mourn for him. He hadn’t even paid his respects to Hades and Persephone, King and Queen of the Dead, and already they were teary-eyed. They would probably bawl if he joined the Underworld.

All for him, an insignificant man with a seemingly never-ending list of sins.

His throat clogged with emotions.

“Someone amazing young man you are,” the middle-aged doctor murmured. “It’s a miracle you’re alive.”

“I saw Erza. S-she saved me,” he said.

Meredy and Ultear’s eyes widened. “Erza?! Did you see her at the village?” the younger one among them asked.

He almost instinctively shook his head before he remembered it would be a bad idea. “No.” The two women instantly deflated. “She appeared in my dream. I was about to let go of life, but she told me not to give up. Erza is alive somewhere. I can feel it.”

His eyelids began to weigh even though it hadn’t been long since he opened them. His condition must have been worse than he thought.

Ultear nodded at his side, her mouth moving to utter the words, “We will find her. She’s strong; she will be okay.” He couldn’t be sure if that’s what she said, or if anything else was spoken, for sleep had claimed him once more. This time, he went willingly.

* * *

The next time he emerged from sleep, it was in the middle of the night. The first thing he registered was the lighter weight in his head. Small miracles. Still, he didn’t dare risk re-opening his wounds or have his body engulfed in flames of pain by getting up. He moved his head to the side and found Meredy sleeping with her arms tucked under her head by the side of his bed, the moonlight casting a soft spotlight on her serene features. His eyes inspected the surroundings and found Ultear’s athletic back facing him on the neighbouring bed.

Whatever did he do to deserve the great women in his life?

He sighed. Perhaps like what Erza said, he should strive to redeem himself by living. Her words to him in his dream nudged him to ponder his purpose and direction in life. No, he didn’t think he was deserving of life or anything good which strangely came to him – that belief of his never wavered. However, he was beginning to accept that it was given to him for a reason.

Perhaps it wasn’t so much as whether he was deserving or not. What mattered was if he grovelled to ensure he came close to being a decent human.

To being someone worthy of being by Erza’s side.

As crazy and illogical as it sounded, he truly believed in his intuition that she was alive somewhere. Erza and he, they were connected somehow. He had faith in the unspoken feelings which bounded them together; faith in her that she would survive any hardship. Just like how she had complete faith in him.

So until he saw her dead body with his own eyes – he sent up a quick prayer to God that he never would have to – he would hold on to the belief that her heart was still beating in some corner of the universe. He couldn’t bear to imagine otherwise.

If, by some chance, he failed to find her before death escorted him down, his remains would mix with the other atoms in the universe and go on to become a star to guide her home. No matter what became of him, no matter the distance between them, he would always watch over her and keep her protected.

He vowed that he would never leave her when they were children, and it was a promise he intended to fulfil.

Glancing to the left to peer out the window, he found that few stars glittered against the midnight-blue sky. He reckoned such extravagant display of the celestial objects was saved for rare occasions or for one’s dreams.

Tonight, the bright moon accompanied him as it illuminated the desolate night, its pearly glow offering comfort to the lonely souls roaming the earth like a caring mother. Unlike the harsh glares of the sun, her power lied in the softness she radiated. Her silvery presence in the dark inspired the mortals to attempt challenging mundane acts; they ranged from listening to one’s heart like a good friend, and then boldly following through on its desires, to the underestimated accomplishment of holding on for another day.

He glanced away from the hypnotising moon, having had his fill of stargazing for the night, but paused when he caught the faint twinkle of a copper light. He squinted his eyes, trying to discern its identity. Something about it struck him as familiar.

The air escaped from his lungs in a whoosh, his eyes widening, when he noticed its notable neighbouring stars. His lips parted, a gasp slipping past them. Goose bumps broke across his skin as all his hairs stood on their ends. Somebody was here - he could sense the invisible presence near him. He shivered despite the cotton blanket covering his body.

At the heart of the constellation, about 550 lights years away, shone the amber supergiant – Antares.

* * *

**Author's note: **The Physics and Astrology nerd in me had such fun writing this one with all the celestial objects/terms and zodiacal tie-ins (read below). Also, I couldn’t resist mentioning Hades and Persephone, my favourite Greek mythology couple. Can you hear my squeal? Haha.

The parts touching on feelings of hopelessness and depression (Child Erza in the stargazing scene, Jellal’s guilt) and Erza’s plea disguised as a demand to Jellal to live another day was particularly...cathartic? to write. Erza’s encouragement to him were, in fact, words I wished someone had told me. If someone reading that scene thinks to themselves, “I wish someone said it to me,” then I suggest reading the words again and treat it as coming from me. Because they are.

This story contains the most symbolisms and connections I've woven in a story. In case you missed them, here are the main ones:

  * **i**. Hope. In the beginning, I described the stars as “beacons of hope.” Afterwards, I portrayed Jellal as being devoid of any hope. And then in the end, I wrote that he would turn into a star watching over Erza. This completes his journey from having no hope at all to turning into a symbol of hope.
  * **ii**. Our usernames. The theme about stars and constellations in this fanfic allowed me to incorporate our usernames in that stargazing scene with child Erza and child Jellal. Wasn’t that clever of me? Haha.
  * **iii. [Everything Led Back To You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14993924)** by Lu was my first favourite fanfic of hers and in a way, the start of our friendship. Not coincidentally, both fics were also inspired by the song **All of the Stars.** So this symbolic birthday gift is also a tribute to us.
  * **iv**. The constellation of Cancer is an indirect reference to Lu’s astrological Sun sign (aka month you’re born). I didn’t leave it there: Scorpius, the constellation, represents me in this case. I could have used my Sun sign of Libra instead, but it wouldn’t create as deep an impact as Scorpio’s symbolism of the phoenix here. My Moon is in Scorpio anyways, so that’s still valid. I then took it a step further by concluding with Antares, the brightest star in Scorpius and also considered its heart. So it’s a fanciful and nerdy way of saying, “you have my heart” and that “no matter the distance, I’ll always be here.” (That said, I wouldn’t recommend using “You’re my Antares” as a standalone for a pick-up line.)

_(Additional note: I referred to the myth of the crab when talking about the crab and Jellal being “let-downs”, not the individuals born under the astrological sign itself. Two of my good friends are Cancer Suns, and I’m very proud of them.)_

  * **v. **The moon. It wasn’t there simply to decorate the starry sky – it’s another indirect reference to Lu, her name specifically. Did I leave it at that? No, of course not. Towards the end, too, I mentioned Jellal would “keep her (Erza) _protected_.” It’s a subtle reference to my own name.
  * **vi.** Speaking of the moon, this particular paragraph is dedicated to Lu: _“Tonight, the bright moon accompanied him as it illuminated the desolate night, its pearly glow offering comfort to the lonely souls roaming the earth like a caring mother. Unlike the harsh glares of the sun, her power lied in the softness she radiated. Her silvery presence in the dark inspired the mortals to attempt challenging mundane acts; they ranged from listening to one’s heart like a good friend, and then boldly following through on its desires, to the underestimated accomplishment of holding on for another day." _
  * **vii. **Fun fact: I've sort of a crush on the Moon. God knows how many times I've gushed over it with one of my best friends (such patience he has). So the moon paragraph has a double meaning: it conveys my feelings and experiences with both the Moon and Lu. It seems to play such a big role in my life. 😂

Now that this story has been written, I can concentrate on my upcoming and first ever multi-chapter Mafia Miraxus. 😏 Yay!

To you and my future-self: _Look up_. 🌌


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